Roller Coaster Ride

WOW...talk about an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm sad, the next feeling better with gratitude, and today....sad, emotional and slightly upset.

I will say, "I had the nicest talk with my boss today. Thanks Lyndsey! She lifted my spirits without trying, she acted from a place of authenticity, vulnerability, and I am grateful."

Rob and I are having a tiff, (that's what I'm calling it for now), my new big boss has kicked up a few "not so good feelings", and Alec got into some trouble again at school. Plus...we still don't' have any clue as to where we stand on the house. UGGGGG! :)

With all that, I still feel blessed for all that I have and all those I have in my life but, I feel like I could just cry.

Could also be that I've been fighting a flippin cold for two weeks, didn't' get mush sleep last night, but who the heck knows.

In the big scheme of things, I know I'm lucky and loved. What more could a girl ask for on this crazy ride of life?

Back with the "not so heavy spirit" today

Well, I said I'd come back and post some more on my mom's visit but I just don't feel like I need to right now. (or want to right now). The glass is half full with all of the wonderfulness of my family; Rob, Anthony, Alec, Austin, the dogs, and my good friends, that I just feel so blessed and rich in those relationships that I simply need to celebrate them, nourish them, and most of all, breathe.

Tonight, Austin asked me again if we could go to Washington DC in the spring; he really wants to go there and visit the White House and all the other "hot spots". So, we jumped on Southwest.com and looked at flights and check the spring break calendar for school. We had such a nice 20 minutes of talking about it, although it kept him up past his bedtime, it was worth it. It's moments like that, that you MUST hold on with both hands and just let happen. He is twelve now, doesn't like to kiss me in public (or even stand too close to me), so I just soaked it all up. We were laying in my bed, with the laptop, making crazy travel plans. It was so fabulous. (still smiling - thank you Austin)

That's what I'm thinking about now; creating those moments for me and the kids, one moment at a time.

I'm choosing to leave my mom out of it for now. I'm come back to that another day.

BUT for now, I'm feeling pretty good and I appreciate my kids, Rob, and my friends for giving me so much to be thankful for.

~ Col

Heavy Sad Spirit

Currently, I am sitting at the computer enjoying the hum of the dishwasher, Max sitting at my side, and a nice glass of Chianti. That sounds delightful (and it is); however, I just returned from dropping my mom off at the train station along with my two nephews after a nine day visit and I am emotionally drained. Not only am I reminded of all that I don't have in my relationship with my mom, but I now have guilt at feeling disappointed and guilt at my behavior. I am sitting high on my fence; smack dab in the middle of my emotional turmoil of what the little girl in me still needs and is unwilling to budge on and the desire to take my mom just as she is.

I think as myself as a person who looks for the good in people and in any given situation; you know, the glass half full (not half empty) kinda girl. Am I am that kinda girl, but with my mom, I struggle terribly. Guilt is such an awful thing.

I'll write more tomorrow when I'm not fighting a sinus infection as what I still need to write will inevitably make me sob; therefore making my head hurt alot more than it does right now.

Until then,
Col

Mackinaw Island Anniversary Celebration

What a lovely way to celebrate fifteen years of marriage;
An adventure to Mackinaw Island...

As I am thinking about what to write, I have a HUGE smile on my face as I ponder where to start. We had such a wonderful time that was filled with love, laughter, old friends, new friends, and some new adventures which included pub crawls, sneaking into the Grand Hotel, rolling of pumpkins down hotel corridors, dancing w/ anyone who would have us, Rob and I participated in our very first run/walk (which I finished 3rd in my age group and Rob 2nd in his), watching our friends beat their best times in the half marathon, and pumpkin decorating (Oh Mica), just to name a few.

Also, Rob and I watched our first sun rise, took a charter plane over to the island because we missed the ferry and I slobbered on him when he told me during our 5.7 walk/jog, that he has never seen me look more beautiful. (trust me, it wasn't pretty but we laughed and laughed)

I can't imagine a better weekend (other than less pain in my legs, back, and arms from the grueling amount of exercise we did); but other than that, not a single thing.

Dave, Carrie, Mica, and Dave, we are so grateful that you asked us to join you on your trip. You made our 15th wedding anniversary a true celebration of our marriage; a little teary eyed as I started my first run to serious belly laughing as we danced, drank, snuck into fancy hotel parties and just enjoyed each others company. I still have a smile on my face as I type.

To Rob, my dearest friend and true love, thank you for everything; your friendship, your love, your patience, your kindness, your encouragement, your thoughtfulness, and most of all, YOU!

I so am blessed.

Here are some photos from our weekend:



(the girls; Mica, Carrie, and Col)


(Our first sun rise on our 15th Wedding Anniversary)



(peace; Dave, Mica, and Dave)



(view from our bike ride around the Island; 8miles)



(back of the hotel lawn)



(Dave and the Pumpkin after the pub crawl)


(Dave and Carrie after Dave ran the half marathon)

(me and Rob; laughing)

(Mica and Dave after their run;

Mica's first 5.7 run and Dave ran the half marathon)

(view from Arch Rock)

(group photo on 10-24-08)


(Dave and Carrie doing some kind of shot, I think)


(the group of runners/walkers/joggers)

(Sea Biscuits - Pub Crawl)


(Mackinaw Bridge; on the road back home)

What will you be when you grow up?

http://amothintoabutterfly.blogspot.com/ (PLO)

My lovely friend Paula had this on her blog (see above) and I had to take the test myself. You pick an image that you feel most drawn to and viola; you'll know what you should be when you grow up! Me, an artist (aka...dancer)

Here is what is says about it...

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique.

No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing.

You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure.

You're easily bored.

As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful.

You do best when you:
- Can work by yourself
- Can express your personality in your work

You would also be a good journalist or actor.

Here is the link, just in case you want to take it yourself. ;)


http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoubewhenyougrowupquiz/outcome.php

"Lost"

"Lost" by David Wagoner

This is a poem that Oprah read during the Chapter 5 webcast of A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle.

Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here, And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers, I have made this place around you. I
f you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven. No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you, You are surely lost.
Stand still. The forest knows Where you are. You must let it find you.

Interesting don't you think?
Hmmmm. (I'm still thinking)
~ Col

Okay...I'll post something

So my lovely friends think I have some bloggers blog but that's not really true; it's just that I've been overwhelmed w/ stuff to blog about and you know, kids, work, reading (love that) and other stuff have consumed my time and the time I have left isn't enough for me to give my thoughts a proper place to live.

So I will not be bullied into blogging (just kidding girls) and you will just have to give me some time.

Some topics to come are:

• The SHACK - love love love that book - read it!!!!!
• Kids starting school again and summer has gone by with sadness in my heart :( Total mixed feelings!
• I've lost 11lbs which is great but I think the new eating habits are making me a bitch to my kids! NOT GOOD.
• I have a new department boss
• I got some feedback from my direct boss that has me thinking
• I am a good friend, a good co-worker, a good worker, a good wife, a really good me, but wish I were a better mom.

All in all - life is lovely ~ Col

Beauty

Quote on beauty by...Marie Stopes


"You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen, But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing. "


I read that and thought...wow, isn't that the truth?!


I know for me, I have always been pretty hard on myself; comparing myself to others, sometime feeling like I don't measure up; falling short in some areas, beauty or brains. More recently however, (last few years) I've grown into myself more so and have a kindness for myself, realizing that I am perfect just the way I am. I wish I would have had that years ago; I could have saved myself so much unnecessary "self mental beatings" and lets not forget poor Rob. He has been the one to try and lift my spirit when those times were going on; so not a fair job for anyone. (thank you Rob ~ for being patient and kind; you are my truest friend)


I read that quote this morning and it just had a sweet sound that sang to my soul. I like it. Hopefully I'll live my life in a way that will continue to add to my beauty, enriching my soul.

Clearing my head rambling...

Being the one to always say I'm sorry first (okay maybe not always but mostly)

Being the one to always think about how the other person feels (always; maybe not at first but none-the-less, always)

Being the one to hold my tongue so that things don't escalate (much better now)

Being the one to try and evolve, be better, learn from past mistakes (so not easy)

Is it wrong to stand my ground because it is important to me? or...should I just be the one?

Part of me thinks - yes, it is wrong of course, let it go and the other part of me thinks,
don't be so co-dependant and simply stand.

In the big scheme of things, does it really matter?

Perhaps yes; perhaps no - I don't know the answer and that is the difficult part.

My Saturday

Well, it's no secret; I'm not a gardener - I don't know much about plants or flowers but I really enjoy their beauty. So, I went to the nursery yesterday and here is what tickled my flower fancy and made its way into my yard.

Wife-hood

What the hell is Wife-hood?

I'm not sure but when I just sat down and starting typing, remembering thoughts that woke me out of a sleep at 3am last night, is just what hit the keys.

Being a wife, having a partnership, being married, having a true best friend is something that I absolutely cherish. So why is it that Rob is the one that I can be the meanest too or the shortest with, or the craziest with, the ugliest with, temperamental, irrational with, and so many "not" so pretty the "real" me (s)?

I'm not sure but what I do know is that he still loves me! He also likes the, the laugh out loud-nose snorting me, the really bad jokes, but still so flipping funny me, and cry for no reason (oh THERE is a reason) me, the my family is crazy and has made me this way me, and the ever so changing trying to improve myself me.

Wholly cow; I'm loved from the truest place of unconditional love. (right now - I am smiling with tears) :)

Over the years, almost 15, I've wasted a lot of time being insecure and doubtful of Rob. So sad. But, as time continues to do its thing, I am doing mine; learning, loving, and growing. Rob too.

The most fabulous part is that I get to spend each day with "that guy"; my guy. (smiling)

~ Me.

Kinda Sad

In this moment I feel sad. I think I know why, but I'd rather not say (but of course I'll blog) as I don't want to think that "that" is still bothering me; but, I kinda feel like it is and really wish it wasn't. I wont beat myself up over it; no - I'll just allow the feeling to linger here for a bit, acknowledge it, and then watch it float by as I know it will. The weird joy of it is that I don't need to talk about it, pick it apart, or share it verbally; I just need to allow it. Kinda like when you are meditating and thoughts float into your mind and you are trying to clear your mind; allowing them to float in and out without resistance or attention. Like that. Part of me wishes I wasn't sad but I am and that is just okay.

Mushy, Joy, Gratitude

I have no idea what it is that I want to say right now but I'm feeling a bit mushy!

Perhaps its PMS, perhaps it is the fact that my son had his very last baby tooth pulled today and has a long hair growing under his armpit, perhaps it is the overwhelming feeling of joy that I have with my family; although it is always crazy with a son who has ADHD and presents us with daily challenges (and amazing joy), a house on the market that I wish wasn't, more financial crap than I want to acknowledge, a totally dysfunctional family (in Pittsburgh) BUT it all brings me such joy.

Austin's lovely smile, laugh, and total stubbornness; he is doing so great in school and just finished track. I just love being with him. I am also so proud of him.

Anthony, my step son, who is such a gentle kind kid who is growing into this handsome young man. He called me on Mother's Day to wish me a nice day. :) He is so fun to be around, he's smart and kind and has this contagious laugh that when I hear it across the house, I smile (and giggle).

My Alec who has an amazing soul and smile; he cares so much about how others feel, even though it might not always seem like it by his behavior, but he truly does and it melts my heart.

The three dogs; Max (my grouch, who really wants to be loved, of course in his time), Zoey (the personal space invader), and our newest addition, Bella (who is such a tool; so fun to watch)...

and lastly my dear Rob. It's almost 15 years of marriage and I've been learning so many new wonderful pieces about him that just makes my heart warm. Life gets busy and you can easily get in a rut; but, you must take time to slow it down, breath, and just let life happen and enjoy the wonders that are hidden just under the surface of all the chaos.

Ask questions, listen, and enjoy what you hear.

I am blessed; I am thankful.

~ me.

Pittsburgh for Mother's Day Weekend

Me and my mom, Ann Marie


Being a mom is such a wonderful thing for me and I am sure for most of the other mothers out there; but until this year I haven't spent it with my mom in a very long time. We've had a rocky relationship our whole lives. It wasn't until recently that I decided it was time that I live in the present, not the past or even the future but seriously in the NOW. I also have been trying NOT to have any expectations of anyone; simply just enjoying them for who they are today. I'm not always good at it or successful but I am working on it, today. So with that new perspective, I felt pretty strong about going home and seeing my mom. I wanted to spend some time with my sister too as she recently has been going through a tough separation with her husband and I wanted to make sure she had some "mother's day sunshine" this weekend.


I had the nicest time visiting with my niece, two nephews, my sister, briefly with my two bothers, and my Mom on Friday and Saturday; I flew home Sunday so that I could spend the day with my boys and Rob.


Here are some fun photos of our time together; my favorites are the ones of me and Jen laughing! :)



Me and Eric, being animals for the photographer!


My sister Jen w/ her kids, Olivia and Michael


The kids giving me their CRAZY faces!


Mom, me and Jen


Me and Micheal at Pizza Hut! I think the waitress
had a crush on him! Eric said she was a stalker!



Something is funny????




and gets a little funnier...


until....pee-ing in our pants funny!

We laughed,

we cried,

and we even argued;

but, what would a visit home be without all of that?



What a great way to kick off Mother's Day.



I flew back this morning and have been loafing

with the boys. Alec and I just caught up on some ER.

I've read, took a nap and just got up.

Next its pizza from Lou's w/ the family and some nice wine; perfect.



Life just doesn't get any better than that.


I have so much to be grateful for; thank you!

Gratitude in folding towels?

Today there is so much to be thankful for: (its only 9am)
simple pleasures that are here each and everyday

rob is loving, tender and touches just right....aahhh
sun shines
kids laugh
new music
old friends
java just right
laundry going (what?)
~
who knew you could find gratitude in laundry;
folding the towels, neatly in a pile
for the boys to dry off their growing bodies and prepare them for their day
a comfort provided by me in ways they'll really never "get"
it puts a warm smile in my heart
~
finding pleasure in the daily chores that must get done
enjoying the process; being present
not easy; yet, very rewarding

this is what I hope for...patience, presence and time to ponder

when this happens ~ life is so good

Magnetic poetry

I was tooling around the Internet today looking for poems on dancing and I found this interesting blog about magnetic poetry. Anyway, I did the assignment on the blog and made a magnetic poem out of the words available and here is what I came up with: (I really like it)

create silhouettes that say

live ~ imagine ~ passion

my harmony and rhythm

appear

perform

I am free

~ Col

Identification not Decoration

Meet, my new pal, Keith.

You might be wondering what the heck am I doing or better yet, what the heck is Keith doing?

Well, I'm actually re-living my labor days; yes, I mean giving birth to my children - labor days. As I breathed in and out with my jaw a bit clenched along with my fist, I thought to myself, "I wonder how long this pain is going to last; how long will this take?" And, "Holy Shit, this hurts!"

Keith was so great; it only took him 15 minutes. Thank GOD. I have no idea how others can take that pain for hours and hours. At least with Labor there is the good old epidural among other fine drugs like Nubian.

What is so crazy about this whole thing is that, I really don't like tattoos; they have never been my thing. Part of me has thought that if I ever did get one, it would need to have some deep meaning and in a place that no one could see unless I wanted it to be seen.

I heard an interesting saying about tattoos on the television show, LOST. A woman said to Jack, that tattoos are a symbol of identification not decoration. That resinated with me.

After thinking about what WOULD I tattoo on my lovely body, it was pretty clear....It would be something about dancing and my spirit/soul.

So, these are Kanji Japanese symbols: the top one meaning "spirit" or "soul" and the bottom two meaning "dancer".

I have no idea if they work together as a cohesive message of "spirit dancer" or "the soul of the dancer" but that is what it means to me. This collection of symbols represents the spirit of the dancer that resides in me and the connection of my spirit to the greater spirit of the universe.

Thank you to Keith for helping me take what was in my heart and giving it a bit of breath.

Thank you to Rob for sharing a part of your soul with me and connecting ours together in another wonderful strand.

Thanks to Rose and Elvis for being true, kind, genuine friends. The world is a better place because you are in it.

Life is so lovely, you just never know where you might find little nuggets of connection; I found it in an unexpected place! ;)

Discovering my EGO

Well it has been so long since I have been on my blog.

Before, I think I was writing for the audience. Well, let me back up a bit, at first I thought that I WOULD write for me, then I got some attention from others and felt that I should write to entertain or inspire others (including myself); which I still hope that my words and thoughts will do, however, I write for my soul to have a place to live outside of the realm of my body.

So I am reading, A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle. (I'm writing for others here) His book is Oprah's book club selection and she is doing a web class each week (if you haven't been reading it - you still can and watch each week/chapter and enjoy it). Anyway the book is amazing. It is a spiritual book; intense, thought provoking, along with life changing but you have to be ready for it; open to it. It talks a lot of the ego (our ego) and my point is that I was writing for my ego to be heard, not necessarily for my soul to have a place. So from hear on out, I write so that my thoughts and feelings have a place outside of me. Somewhere that I can come back to and reflect, perhaps share w/ my kids and Rob.

So I say to all that have given me encouragement and yourselves, please feel free to continue coming here and sharing your thoughts as I adore this place of friendship, connection, and support for all of the obvious reasons and feel honored and blessed for those relationships.

I am just searching and exploring and looking and most of all discovering!
What a lovely time in my life.

~ Col

I've been TAGGED by Plo

Ok - so I've been tagged by PLO (who I just adore)! So, here it is...

1. Four Jobs That I've Had:
A seafood department clerk at a grocery store Giant Eagle: (first job)
A telephone answer service operator (second job) - yes, I know, me talking all day - hard to believe!
A daycare owner/provider (last job; hardest job, most rewarding job) - just think about all of those CRAZY parents! NONE of which are reading my blog!!! You know who they are!
A marketer for a funky sandwich shop (current job; most favorite of all of them and there are many more not listed)

2. Four Movies I'd Watch Over and Over
Sound of Music
Field of Dreams
Wizard of Oz
Forest Gump

3. Four Places I've Lived
Ft. Lauderdale (born there)
Pittsburgh (most of my life; until 22)
Roselle (when I first moved to IL)
Huntley (where I live now)

4. Four Fav Foods
Wine - yes it is a food; grapes! DUH
Pizza
Anything w/ Ranch
Chocolate

5. Four People I Email Almost Daily
Lyndsey (my boss)
Book club Gals - at least one of them
that's it on a daily basis! If it were talking on the phone; I'd add Rob, Alec, and Austin

6. Four Places I'd Rather Be
on a cruise ship
on an island
on the beach
floating in a pool of margaritas
(do you see the theme)

7. Four Things I Look Forward To This Year
Winning the LOTTO - BIG
Dancing
Being with my family and friends
Traveling

8. Four Folks I'll Tag
Julie
Kristen
Lisa
Erin

9. I've added one: Four Things I Do Every Day
Drink coffee
Say I love you to someone
Dance
Have gratitude

My own response to my blog from the night before

This is my own response to my blog from last night.

I woke up this morning and read a newsletter that I receive from EFT World Center (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and the gratitude exercise below was listed: (I've seen this before and it always helps me put things into perspective)

I choose to be grateful...
For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means I am alive.
And finally, for too much e-mail because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.
~ Author Unknown

May the day have gentle reminders that your life is abundant
~ Col

Who the Hell Has Time to Blog?

It has been a crazy week for me at work and I haven't had anytime to sit, let alone contemplate anything beyond, I have to pee, I need another cup of coffee, do the kids have clean cloths, do I have clean cloths, what time does the train get in, do I have everything I need before I leave the house, Alec has pictures at WHAT time, and now it is Sunday and I haven't given my little soul any love. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying my work, dabbling in some new things which actually is stretching my creativity and my motivational skills but I feel very drained and my soul is craving some me time.

What is me time; hmmmm, well that all depends on the day, time and my mood. It could be a half hour in the basement, dancing. It could mean sitting with a favorite book (by the way I am reading Pillars of the Earth, only just under 1000 pages; my bookclub gals didn't want to undertake such a large book but I'm going to give it a shot). Okay, so back to what is me time; It could mean sitting with my photos and scrapbooking. It could be sitting with a stack of magazines that I have and doing some old fashion scrapbooking. I've been saving all kinds of magazines and I've been wanting to go back through them and make a collage of different images, articles, and phrases. Why? I just feel like my soul is asking to do it; I also think it is a neat way to see what things you are attracted to. It usually tells a story about ourselves. Basically it simply feels like something I want to do. I have also been wanting to submit a short essay about my experience in the basement. That experience wont find its way here in the blog world until I've submitted it to someone real; have no idea where and how, so if anyone reading has any suggestions as to where I could submit an essay to see if I can get it published, I am open to anything. Well almost anything.

Wow...that was some seriously rambling, but, now that I got all of that off of my chest, I kinda feel better. Whew.

I guess my questions is this: How do we work; be successful at that and find time for all of the other things that we need and love; family, friends, caring for ourselves and caring for our love relationships which in my case is my hubby, Rob. All of those people and things needs our care, attention, love, and patience, including our work. (oh dear, I totally forgot to mention, cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, homework, caring for the pets)

I wish I had the answer and I guess in part I think I do, balance. It is just that some days, weeks or even months, balance isn't an option. One element of our lives needs more care, attention and love. For me, I have a few of those HIGH NEED areas right now and balance doesn't seem to be as easily obtained as I would like. I suppose I will take one day at a time, do my best, live with my heart leading the way, and keep my sense of humor; so that when I forgot to wash the boys gym uniforms, pay a bill, pick up milk for breakfast, make that doctors appointment, I will be kind to myself and try to laugh. Seriously, what else can I do? :)

So as I wrap up the day wishing my soul a little more love, I do give many thanks for all that the day has given me; love from the boys (I love spending time with them) time with Rob (thanks for helping me with my presentation), a short but good workout, blogging, some chores got done (I have clean cloths for tomorrow and so does everyone else in the house) and last but not least, this place. I still am wrapping my head around it; the blogging world that is, but I have a feeling I am really going to enjoy my time spent here and so will my soul!

~ Col

I'm in love with Eat Pray Love!

Two words; LOVE IT!

~ I gotta tell ya, at first, I couldn't get into this book. I liked the way she wrote, funny; easy going but I just couldn't get into it. Perhaps reading late at night, just before bed and about halfway through my 2nd glass of red wine (love that time of day) wasn't the best time to be reading this one. Anyway, just about 1/3 way through the book when she was just about all the way through Italy (she is traveling; don't worry you know this from reading the back cover) she wrote about how she arrived in Italy, both physically and emotionally and how she was now leaving Italy both physically and emotionally; and in those few words, that is when it happened, I fell in love with her and the book! Fantastic. Did I say, I loved it? Ok, just want to make sure.

If you don't' know this, again, you can read the back cover: Liz (the author) goes on a spiritually journey to three countries; Italy (eat), India (pray) and Indonesia (love). I loved India the most. As I talked to others who had read the book, and yes they loved it too, it was interesting to see what part/place they liked best. Not everyone loved India as much as I did, in fact, a young co-worker of mine was bored by her travels there. I had not yet read that part and didn't give it much thought. This co-worker of mine just adored Lis's travels and experiences through Italy and Indonesia. After reading it myself, I thought, hmmmm...there it is again, that perspective thing. If we are open to it, we will realize so much not only how we see things but also how others see things. Being open to others' perspective teaches us (or at least me) so much about myself and the those that I share space with, both personally and professionally.

Okay, back to the book. For me, India was such a wonderful journey that I just might have to re-read it. I am having a book club planning meeting with my wonderful group (love those ladies) and I am going to suggest that we read this one. I have so many of the pages folded down to go back and re-read. One of my favorite parts is what she says about her Nephew and God. As I am on my own spiritual journey, that was such a powerful moment for me as I felt like; AHHHHH, yes, this is God; I get it! (and yes, I cried)

L-O-V-E this book for all of the delightful gifts it gave me. I hope you read it, love it, but mostly, I hope that you find eye opening AH-HA moments in it and are inspired by the many wonderful messages that are sprinkled throughout the book.

~ Happy reading
and enjoy the journey,
Col

Just as I am

Today I read an article in Body and Soul Magazine; an article on overcoming shyness. Well, those of you who personally know me, might wonder, "what the hell do you need to overcome shyness for?" Well, you are right; I have no trouble with shyness, however the article did mention a concept that I am going to adopt for myself and apply it in other areas of how I care for myself emotionally as I am the only one who can.

The article advised trying to observe negative self talk or so called short comings (I'm shy, I wish I were more talk-a-tive, I wish I were funny) with a little compassion. "By bringing loving attention to the very moments you wish you were different, you will eventually free yourself to actually be different."

Interesting; don't you think?

I'm constantly saying I wish I were more confident in public speaking (for work), or wish I could be more courageous and dance like I do alone in the basement (hint on that story), or I wish I weren't so talkative and less interrupting when others are talking or I wish I were thinner.

But instead of focusing on those things that I wish I were or weren't, I am going to love myself more compassionately, celebrating the wonderfulness of me, just as I am. (at least for this moment)

Yes, I know; lets get real. We all know, sooner or later, I'll fret over ALL of the areas that I want to improve, things I want to learn and do, fears I want to overcome, but for right now, today, in this very moment, I will just accept me just as I am! Grateful for all that I am.

May you love yourself with compassion and kindness;
having gratitude for yourself as you are.
~ Col

First Time Blog-ing

A new year and a new hobby; blogging.

I am not sure where to start, however, I have some, okay, many random ideas as to how I'd like to see my blogging experience unfold...

• I'd like to recap 2007 and how I've grown through the experiences that I had; of course I may need a box of tissue and a bottle of wine to do it, but in the end my soul smiles and feels gratitude and mostly has expanded (how wonderful)


• What I'd like to see of me in 2008; in short, a more patient person, slow down, remember that I have two ears and only one mouth, be courageous, forgive, provide a wonderful place called home and all that entales for my family (hubby, kids, organization, finances) and mostly love myself and care not only for my soul but also my body as it is the harbor that houses my soul


• Share a beautiful experience that I had alone in my basement a few years ago and how it has shaped how I now see myself and my connection with the Divine / God


• Favorite things; books, music, views on life, spirituality, family (just to name a few)


• I'd like to stretch my legs a bit, get grounded, and try my hand at writing (okay, blogging) ~ first I must tell you, I can't spell! Don't hold it against me. Also, I can ramble.

As you can see, I am quite enthusiastic in my hopes for blogging.

As I am not a shy person, I hope that I will be brave in my blogging as I normally am in my speech during conversations with just about anyone (and yes, I mean anyone). This blogging however, seems so permanent - on paper (worse, the web) for everyone to see, read, digest, regurgitate, and yes, finally I get to the root of my issue JUDGE.

Here is where my inner dialogue kicks into high gear and might ask, Why do you think, ANYONE will be interested enough to read let alone JUDGE? (ha)

To that I say, "HMMMM.....good question."

Well, here is where I shall stop for today but not before I leave this place with my gratitude for all that today has given me...

...a new day, wonderful time with Rob this morning before getting out of bed, coffee, reading the paper, reading Eat Pray Love with more coffee in my chair with my old afghan from my childhood, a healthy lunch, some task work w/ Rob, Dream Girls, playing cards w/ Alec, a workout on my new treadmill, a nice bath, a lovely dinner from my Rachel Rae cookbook that Austin bought for me, (Anthony's Pic), email from my friend Lisa, a new hobby, cards with the family, more blogging, and soon to be more reading and off to bed.

I have so much ~ thank you