Roller Coaster Ride

WOW...talk about an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm sad, the next feeling better with gratitude, and today....sad, emotional and slightly upset.

I will say, "I had the nicest talk with my boss today. Thanks Lyndsey! She lifted my spirits without trying, she acted from a place of authenticity, vulnerability, and I am grateful."

Rob and I are having a tiff, (that's what I'm calling it for now), my new big boss has kicked up a few "not so good feelings", and Alec got into some trouble again at school. Plus...we still don't' have any clue as to where we stand on the house. UGGGGG! :)

With all that, I still feel blessed for all that I have and all those I have in my life but, I feel like I could just cry.

Could also be that I've been fighting a flippin cold for two weeks, didn't' get mush sleep last night, but who the heck knows.

In the big scheme of things, I know I'm lucky and loved. What more could a girl ask for on this crazy ride of life?

Back with the "not so heavy spirit" today

Well, I said I'd come back and post some more on my mom's visit but I just don't feel like I need to right now. (or want to right now). The glass is half full with all of the wonderfulness of my family; Rob, Anthony, Alec, Austin, the dogs, and my good friends, that I just feel so blessed and rich in those relationships that I simply need to celebrate them, nourish them, and most of all, breathe.

Tonight, Austin asked me again if we could go to Washington DC in the spring; he really wants to go there and visit the White House and all the other "hot spots". So, we jumped on Southwest.com and looked at flights and check the spring break calendar for school. We had such a nice 20 minutes of talking about it, although it kept him up past his bedtime, it was worth it. It's moments like that, that you MUST hold on with both hands and just let happen. He is twelve now, doesn't like to kiss me in public (or even stand too close to me), so I just soaked it all up. We were laying in my bed, with the laptop, making crazy travel plans. It was so fabulous. (still smiling - thank you Austin)

That's what I'm thinking about now; creating those moments for me and the kids, one moment at a time.

I'm choosing to leave my mom out of it for now. I'm come back to that another day.

BUT for now, I'm feeling pretty good and I appreciate my kids, Rob, and my friends for giving me so much to be thankful for.

~ Col

Heavy Sad Spirit

Currently, I am sitting at the computer enjoying the hum of the dishwasher, Max sitting at my side, and a nice glass of Chianti. That sounds delightful (and it is); however, I just returned from dropping my mom off at the train station along with my two nephews after a nine day visit and I am emotionally drained. Not only am I reminded of all that I don't have in my relationship with my mom, but I now have guilt at feeling disappointed and guilt at my behavior. I am sitting high on my fence; smack dab in the middle of my emotional turmoil of what the little girl in me still needs and is unwilling to budge on and the desire to take my mom just as she is.

I think as myself as a person who looks for the good in people and in any given situation; you know, the glass half full (not half empty) kinda girl. Am I am that kinda girl, but with my mom, I struggle terribly. Guilt is such an awful thing.

I'll write more tomorrow when I'm not fighting a sinus infection as what I still need to write will inevitably make me sob; therefore making my head hurt alot more than it does right now.

Until then,
Col