Back with the "not so heavy spirit" today

Well, I said I'd come back and post some more on my mom's visit but I just don't feel like I need to right now. (or want to right now). The glass is half full with all of the wonderfulness of my family; Rob, Anthony, Alec, Austin, the dogs, and my good friends, that I just feel so blessed and rich in those relationships that I simply need to celebrate them, nourish them, and most of all, breathe.

Tonight, Austin asked me again if we could go to Washington DC in the spring; he really wants to go there and visit the White House and all the other "hot spots". So, we jumped on Southwest.com and looked at flights and check the spring break calendar for school. We had such a nice 20 minutes of talking about it, although it kept him up past his bedtime, it was worth it. It's moments like that, that you MUST hold on with both hands and just let happen. He is twelve now, doesn't like to kiss me in public (or even stand too close to me), so I just soaked it all up. We were laying in my bed, with the laptop, making crazy travel plans. It was so fabulous. (still smiling - thank you Austin)

That's what I'm thinking about now; creating those moments for me and the kids, one moment at a time.

I'm choosing to leave my mom out of it for now. I'm come back to that another day.

BUT for now, I'm feeling pretty good and I appreciate my kids, Rob, and my friends for giving me so much to be thankful for.

~ Col

Heavy Sad Spirit

Currently, I am sitting at the computer enjoying the hum of the dishwasher, Max sitting at my side, and a nice glass of Chianti. That sounds delightful (and it is); however, I just returned from dropping my mom off at the train station along with my two nephews after a nine day visit and I am emotionally drained. Not only am I reminded of all that I don't have in my relationship with my mom, but I now have guilt at feeling disappointed and guilt at my behavior. I am sitting high on my fence; smack dab in the middle of my emotional turmoil of what the little girl in me still needs and is unwilling to budge on and the desire to take my mom just as she is.

I think as myself as a person who looks for the good in people and in any given situation; you know, the glass half full (not half empty) kinda girl. Am I am that kinda girl, but with my mom, I struggle terribly. Guilt is such an awful thing.

I'll write more tomorrow when I'm not fighting a sinus infection as what I still need to write will inevitably make me sob; therefore making my head hurt alot more than it does right now.

Until then,
Col

Mackinaw Island Anniversary Celebration

What a lovely way to celebrate fifteen years of marriage;
An adventure to Mackinaw Island...

As I am thinking about what to write, I have a HUGE smile on my face as I ponder where to start. We had such a wonderful time that was filled with love, laughter, old friends, new friends, and some new adventures which included pub crawls, sneaking into the Grand Hotel, rolling of pumpkins down hotel corridors, dancing w/ anyone who would have us, Rob and I participated in our very first run/walk (which I finished 3rd in my age group and Rob 2nd in his), watching our friends beat their best times in the half marathon, and pumpkin decorating (Oh Mica), just to name a few.

Also, Rob and I watched our first sun rise, took a charter plane over to the island because we missed the ferry and I slobbered on him when he told me during our 5.7 walk/jog, that he has never seen me look more beautiful. (trust me, it wasn't pretty but we laughed and laughed)

I can't imagine a better weekend (other than less pain in my legs, back, and arms from the grueling amount of exercise we did); but other than that, not a single thing.

Dave, Carrie, Mica, and Dave, we are so grateful that you asked us to join you on your trip. You made our 15th wedding anniversary a true celebration of our marriage; a little teary eyed as I started my first run to serious belly laughing as we danced, drank, snuck into fancy hotel parties and just enjoyed each others company. I still have a smile on my face as I type.

To Rob, my dearest friend and true love, thank you for everything; your friendship, your love, your patience, your kindness, your encouragement, your thoughtfulness, and most of all, YOU!

I so am blessed.

Here are some photos from our weekend:



(the girls; Mica, Carrie, and Col)


(Our first sun rise on our 15th Wedding Anniversary)



(peace; Dave, Mica, and Dave)



(view from our bike ride around the Island; 8miles)



(back of the hotel lawn)



(Dave and the Pumpkin after the pub crawl)


(Dave and Carrie after Dave ran the half marathon)

(me and Rob; laughing)

(Mica and Dave after their run;

Mica's first 5.7 run and Dave ran the half marathon)

(view from Arch Rock)

(group photo on 10-24-08)


(Dave and Carrie doing some kind of shot, I think)


(the group of runners/walkers/joggers)

(Sea Biscuits - Pub Crawl)


(Mackinaw Bridge; on the road back home)

What will you be when you grow up?

http://amothintoabutterfly.blogspot.com/ (PLO)

My lovely friend Paula had this on her blog (see above) and I had to take the test myself. You pick an image that you feel most drawn to and viola; you'll know what you should be when you grow up! Me, an artist (aka...dancer)

Here is what is says about it...

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique.

No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing.

You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure.

You're easily bored.

As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful.

You do best when you:
- Can work by yourself
- Can express your personality in your work

You would also be a good journalist or actor.

Here is the link, just in case you want to take it yourself. ;)


http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoubewhenyougrowupquiz/outcome.php

"Lost"

"Lost" by David Wagoner

This is a poem that Oprah read during the Chapter 5 webcast of A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle.

Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here, And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers, I have made this place around you. I
f you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven. No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you, You are surely lost.
Stand still. The forest knows Where you are. You must let it find you.

Interesting don't you think?
Hmmmm. (I'm still thinking)
~ Col

Okay...I'll post something

So my lovely friends think I have some bloggers blog but that's not really true; it's just that I've been overwhelmed w/ stuff to blog about and you know, kids, work, reading (love that) and other stuff have consumed my time and the time I have left isn't enough for me to give my thoughts a proper place to live.

So I will not be bullied into blogging (just kidding girls) and you will just have to give me some time.

Some topics to come are:

• The SHACK - love love love that book - read it!!!!!
• Kids starting school again and summer has gone by with sadness in my heart :( Total mixed feelings!
• I've lost 11lbs which is great but I think the new eating habits are making me a bitch to my kids! NOT GOOD.
• I have a new department boss
• I got some feedback from my direct boss that has me thinking
• I am a good friend, a good co-worker, a good worker, a good wife, a really good me, but wish I were a better mom.

All in all - life is lovely ~ Col

Beauty

Quote on beauty by...Marie Stopes


"You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen, But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing. "


I read that and thought...wow, isn't that the truth?!


I know for me, I have always been pretty hard on myself; comparing myself to others, sometime feeling like I don't measure up; falling short in some areas, beauty or brains. More recently however, (last few years) I've grown into myself more so and have a kindness for myself, realizing that I am perfect just the way I am. I wish I would have had that years ago; I could have saved myself so much unnecessary "self mental beatings" and lets not forget poor Rob. He has been the one to try and lift my spirit when those times were going on; so not a fair job for anyone. (thank you Rob ~ for being patient and kind; you are my truest friend)


I read that quote this morning and it just had a sweet sound that sang to my soul. I like it. Hopefully I'll live my life in a way that will continue to add to my beauty, enriching my soul.