I dislike the back-door, behind-the-scenes positioning that can go one with others. Yes, I know it is necessary but some of the behaviors around it are not.
I dislike the hush when you walk into a room, the subtle exchange of looks and eyebrow raises. Yes, I know what you are thinking, “it’s not all about you” and for the record, I didn’t say or think it was.
I dislike the hesitation in others when I ask them a question or the careful word-dance around a subject yet they ask for me to share, be open and honest. I say, be forthcoming if you really want to share.
I can feel the tension in the air and no this is not because I’m sensitive but because I’m intuitive.
I will approach the next few months with attributes that I value; be authentic, be present, be useful, and be accepting. I need to work on the last one the most…be accepting of not only myself but of others.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Friday, September 30, 2011
What I Know to be True
What I know to be true: Not a lot,
But I am learning things.
· Have your own thing(s)
· Have a together thing
· Support things
· Love things
· Know when you can’t know things
· Admire things
· Respect things
· Choose to forget things
· Let go of things
Not things you can touch, but things you can feel, enjoy and experience.
Know the difference between these “things”.
But I am learning things.
· Have your own thing(s)
· Have a together thing
· Support things
· Love things
· Know when you can’t know things
· Admire things
· Respect things
· Choose to forget things
· Let go of things
Not things you can touch, but things you can feel, enjoy and experience.
Know the difference between these “things”.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Community over Individual
I love when I find inspiration, or a wonderful perspective on life in odd places. I'm reading my Global Business Today book for my International Business Course and stumbled across this ideology in Islamic Banking; yep, you heard me...Islamic Banking. "The value of community (in Islam) is stronger than the value of individual profit". I like that..."the value of community", very interesting.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Madison Trip
Had a wonderful day in Madison with some lovely ladies.
Took my new lens 50mm and did a little "test drive" with it.
I still have no idea what I am doing but I love it anyway.
Took my new lens 50mm and did a little "test drive" with it.
I still have no idea what I am doing but I love it anyway.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Anthony B-day Dinner
Happy Birthday Anthony!
One more year to go and we can "toast" to you and with you, properly.
You've grown into such a handson, wonderful young man. I am so proud of you and I know your mom and dad are as well.
I totally remember when I first met you...you would always say, "free fries" every time you saw the ARCH of McDonalds. You could spot it from a good bit away. Dad and I would have to look around for a bit to figure out where it was.
One more year to go and we can "toast" to you and with you, properly.
You've grown into such a handson, wonderful young man. I am so proud of you and I know your mom and dad are as well.
I totally remember when I first met you...you would always say, "free fries" every time you saw the ARCH of McDonalds. You could spot it from a good bit away. Dad and I would have to look around for a bit to figure out where it was.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Pictures from my trip to the park
Last month, I spent the afternoon with my friend Erin as we tried different settings on our DSLR cameras based on a lesson from our on-line photo class.
I am so sad to say that I've missed placed the disc with all of those photos. The ones below are from my Facebook post; I was hoping to frame a few for my house. I am not sure they will be high enough quality, but we'll see.
Anyway...these are a part of my creative being. I love these photos and look forward to learning more about photography and capturing lots of other good, "stuff"!
I am so sad to say that I've missed placed the disc with all of those photos. The ones below are from my Facebook post; I was hoping to frame a few for my house. I am not sure they will be high enough quality, but we'll see.
Anyway...these are a part of my creative being. I love these photos and look forward to learning more about photography and capturing lots of other good, "stuff"!
It is a Relationship
It is a relationship
It is my relationship
I will nurture it
I will never make a living at it, but that was never a thought I entertained or for that matter, never even had in passing
I may never live it the way I wished or wish (now) but I will live it
I will!
(~inspired by Alonzo King)
It is my relationship
I will nurture it
I will never make a living at it, but that was never a thought I entertained or for that matter, never even had in passing
I may never live it the way I wished or wish (now) but I will live it
I will!
(~inspired by Alonzo King)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Journey Begins
My Commitment:
I will develop / write two stories, poems, or essays about my shadow experience and my fear about dance.
I will TRY and capture, "her", with the help of my friend Lisa.
My Gratitude:
Thank you ladies, for providing a safe, kind, supporting, and loving place for my shadow to emerge. I am looking forward to finally meeting her and introducing her/me to the world.
Rob, all I can say is, "THANK YOU"! Thank you for loving me just as I am and being supportive.
I love you with all of my heart and soul.
~ Col
I will develop / write two stories, poems, or essays about my shadow experience and my fear about dance.
I will TRY and capture, "her", with the help of my friend Lisa.
My Gratitude:
Thank you ladies, for providing a safe, kind, supporting, and loving place for my shadow to emerge. I am looking forward to finally meeting her and introducing her/me to the world.
Rob, all I can say is, "THANK YOU"! Thank you for loving me just as I am and being supportive.
I love you with all of my heart and soul.
~ Col
Sunday, September 26, 2010
10288 Fleetwood Street
What an amazing 8 years.
I cried so hard when I left our crappy old apartment in Glendale Heights 11 years ago (which I just hated and DIDN'T know/have nice neighbors); God only knows what will happen today.
I love my new house and know that lots of wonderful new things are around each corner…but this house holds so many memories; lots of good, some bad, some UGLY and so many AMAZING. Rob and I (and the boys) have shared so much in this house; so many first for the boys; puppies, girls, driving, kisses (girls again) and a few other first that I WONT post here. If the walls could talk…
Living here in this community has changed me. I couldn't be blessed more so. The folks in this community are truly special.
Who knew when Rob and I decided to buy our first home that we’d find such a special place to raise our boys and be as a family? Throughout the last 8 years we’ve become part of a community that I don’t hear others talk about having. It cared for a family that lost their home to a tragic fire. It was loved by a child; a hero who we were all blessed to know, who lost his life to that bad word, Cancer. It’s the place that I have called home, surround by an amazing group of friends; where anything can happen from, Toga Parties, Dance Your Ass off Parties, or impromptu driveway get-togethers.
My immediate neighbors, the Bartlett, the Lawler’s, and the Wall family have saved my house from a burning grill (thanks Steve, still can’t believe you took the fence!), fixed countless items in my house (thanks Tom; you are my “stand in hubby”) and cared for injured children, (thanks Larry) and that is just the men. The women, well, I can’t say enough (b/c the tears are affecting my ability to type). You know how much I love you and how much you mean to me so I’ll leave that alone for now. Just know you might find me sitting on the porch with a glass of vino in hand!
Knowing that you are surrounded by people who are good, who care about you and who you can count on, is a gift. To me, my neighbors (both next door and up the street, have been so much more to me than just my neighbors, they are my friends. Thank you for being my “neighbors”; as Fred Rogers said, “I’ve always wanted a neighbor just like you”.
10288 Fleetwood Street – The Madeya Family
I cried so hard when I left our crappy old apartment in Glendale Heights 11 years ago (which I just hated and DIDN'T know/have nice neighbors); God only knows what will happen today.
I love my new house and know that lots of wonderful new things are around each corner…but this house holds so many memories; lots of good, some bad, some UGLY and so many AMAZING. Rob and I (and the boys) have shared so much in this house; so many first for the boys; puppies, girls, driving, kisses (girls again) and a few other first that I WONT post here. If the walls could talk…
Living here in this community has changed me. I couldn't be blessed more so. The folks in this community are truly special.
Who knew when Rob and I decided to buy our first home that we’d find such a special place to raise our boys and be as a family? Throughout the last 8 years we’ve become part of a community that I don’t hear others talk about having. It cared for a family that lost their home to a tragic fire. It was loved by a child; a hero who we were all blessed to know, who lost his life to that bad word, Cancer. It’s the place that I have called home, surround by an amazing group of friends; where anything can happen from, Toga Parties, Dance Your Ass off Parties, or impromptu driveway get-togethers.
My immediate neighbors, the Bartlett, the Lawler’s, and the Wall family have saved my house from a burning grill (thanks Steve, still can’t believe you took the fence!), fixed countless items in my house (thanks Tom; you are my “stand in hubby”) and cared for injured children, (thanks Larry) and that is just the men. The women, well, I can’t say enough (b/c the tears are affecting my ability to type). You know how much I love you and how much you mean to me so I’ll leave that alone for now. Just know you might find me sitting on the porch with a glass of vino in hand!
Knowing that you are surrounded by people who are good, who care about you and who you can count on, is a gift. To me, my neighbors (both next door and up the street, have been so much more to me than just my neighbors, they are my friends. Thank you for being my “neighbors”; as Fred Rogers said, “I’ve always wanted a neighbor just like you”.
10288 Fleetwood Street – The Madeya Family
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Lend your arm...
After I landed at the Detroit Airport last week, I proceeded to the Ground Transportation Area. As I approached the escalator, there was an older couple in front of me. They slowed down and became very cautious of the escalator. The old woman, shaking, stepped onto the escalator. I seriously thought she might fall over and go head first down as her footing was not firm. Her elderly male companion, came to a halt and wouldn’t get on it. I could tell he was frightened, so I offered him my arm. He hesitated, but after I let go of my roll-away, he took my arm and together we got on the escalator.
I thought for sure that after I got him on the first step, I could jump back and grab my bag...OH NO, he held on to me for dear life and I turned around in a bit of a panic, leaving my bag behind. As I turned back, another business traveler, smiled and said, “I got it”!
The older man and I rode the escalator down to the next floor where we were greeted by his wife who mouthed “thank you!”. We all smiled at each other, including the business traveler, bringing up the rear along with my bag.
It’s in these moments that remind me how easy it is to make someone feel safe and seen. Kindness, service, attentiveness…you can call it whatever you like; but whatever you call it, do it. Not only for the person who needs it, but also for yourself, who like me, needed it way more than the older gentleman.
Lend someone your arm today; It will make you both feel “really good”.
I thought for sure that after I got him on the first step, I could jump back and grab my bag...OH NO, he held on to me for dear life and I turned around in a bit of a panic, leaving my bag behind. As I turned back, another business traveler, smiled and said, “I got it”!
The older man and I rode the escalator down to the next floor where we were greeted by his wife who mouthed “thank you!”. We all smiled at each other, including the business traveler, bringing up the rear along with my bag.
It’s in these moments that remind me how easy it is to make someone feel safe and seen. Kindness, service, attentiveness…you can call it whatever you like; but whatever you call it, do it. Not only for the person who needs it, but also for yourself, who like me, needed it way more than the older gentleman.
Lend someone your arm today; It will make you both feel “really good”.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Col's Weight Lose & Raise Money for Carter Kettner Fundraiser
As 2010 is just around the corner, I think about what my health goals are for the New Year along with reflection for 2009.
One of the greatest gifts that I received in 2009 was from the Kettner Family. I know that sounds crazy considering all that they have been through; however, through them and those that love and support them, I’ve grown as a person, witnessed beauty, HOPE, kindness, and so many other wonderful human spirit attributes. I’ve seen amazing things through them and have met some incredible folks.
So, I thought…how can I turn my fitness goals into a fun way to support the Kettners?
Well, here it is…I ask you to pledge a dollar amount for each pound that I lose.
· My goal:
· To lose 33lbs. You can do the math and make your pledge.
· Timing:
· Today through March 31st.
I’ll report to the group, every other week of my progress and a sponsor update.
On March 31st, I’ll email everyone a final report and ask that you log onto Carter’s Website Page and make the donation straight to The Carter Kettner Fund and emailing me your confirmation form. If you would rather mail a check to me, (made out to Carter) that will work too!
It is only 13 weeks so the likelihood of me losing the whole 30 is pretty unrealistic; I’m thinking (and HOPE-ing) I’ll lose 15 or so.
So, I ask you to help me stay motivated in my fitness/weight loss goals and together we can help raise some moola for the most fantastic 6 year old super hero, Carter Kettner.
For those of you who don’t know his story …visit www.carterkettner.org – once you read it, you’ll not soon forget it.
Two last things:
Please share this with all of your friends so that we can get many folks on board to help Carter!
If weight loss is a goal for you, join me in this fundraiser!
With love, (and too much caboose!)
Colleen
One of the greatest gifts that I received in 2009 was from the Kettner Family. I know that sounds crazy considering all that they have been through; however, through them and those that love and support them, I’ve grown as a person, witnessed beauty, HOPE, kindness, and so many other wonderful human spirit attributes. I’ve seen amazing things through them and have met some incredible folks.
So, I thought…how can I turn my fitness goals into a fun way to support the Kettners?
Well, here it is…I ask you to pledge a dollar amount for each pound that I lose.
· My goal:
· To lose 33lbs. You can do the math and make your pledge.
· Timing:
· Today through March 31st.
I’ll report to the group, every other week of my progress and a sponsor update.
On March 31st, I’ll email everyone a final report and ask that you log onto Carter’s Website Page and make the donation straight to The Carter Kettner Fund and emailing me your confirmation form. If you would rather mail a check to me, (made out to Carter) that will work too!
It is only 13 weeks so the likelihood of me losing the whole 30 is pretty unrealistic; I’m thinking (and HOPE-ing) I’ll lose 15 or so.
So, I ask you to help me stay motivated in my fitness/weight loss goals and together we can help raise some moola for the most fantastic 6 year old super hero, Carter Kettner.
For those of you who don’t know his story …visit www.carterkettner.org – once you read it, you’ll not soon forget it.
Two last things:
Please share this with all of your friends so that we can get many folks on board to help Carter!
If weight loss is a goal for you, join me in this fundraiser!
With love, (and too much caboose!)
Colleen
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Fred Said It Best!
I just love this song from Fred Rogers.
What a great man he was.
It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair--
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you--
Not the things that hide you, Not your toys--
They're just beside you.
But it's you I like--
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like,
It's you yourself,
It's you, it's you I like.
~Fred M. Rogers© 1970
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Just a quick hello
Dear Blog,
I haven't written here in a while but I just re-read the last few posts and thought to myself, hmm...I really do like what I've written and I miss writing here. I don't have much time right now, but I'll be back soon.
With thanks,
me
I haven't written here in a while but I just re-read the last few posts and thought to myself, hmm...I really do like what I've written and I miss writing here. I don't have much time right now, but I'll be back soon.
With thanks,
me
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
unclear clarity
how do you know
how do you decide
there is give
there is take
acceptance
unconditional
For that, I know
but…there is that one thing
that behavior
that tendency
that makes me wonder
am I doing the best for them
am I giving them all there is
how do I know for sure
how do you decide
there is give
there is take
acceptance
unconditional
For that, I know
but…there is that one thing
that behavior
that tendency
that makes me wonder
am I doing the best for them
am I giving them all there is
how do I know for sure
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Fred Rogers said it BEST..."It's you I like!"
I've always been a fan of this song by Fred Rogers.
Not only is it a great song to include in a card to a friend but also a great personal reminder to love yourself just as you are, in the present moment.
It's you I like.
It's not the things you wear.
It's not the way you do your hair,
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
the way down deep inside you,
Not the things that hide you
Not your toys--they're just beside you.
But it's you I like.
Every part of you--
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like
~ 1971 Fred Rogers (what a great man!)
Not only is it a great song to include in a card to a friend but also a great personal reminder to love yourself just as you are, in the present moment.
It's you I like.
It's not the things you wear.
It's not the way you do your hair,
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
the way down deep inside you,
Not the things that hide you
Not your toys--they're just beside you.
But it's you I like.
Every part of you--
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like
~ 1971 Fred Rogers (what a great man!)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Crazy thoughts
Okay so this is truly going to be a rambling of thoughts....If I were you, I'd grab a cocktail, glass of wine or a beer before proceeding. Its for your own good! Some is bitching and some if from the heart loving depths of my soul. (I actually started this back at the end of April and am just now getting back to it - some items are a little dated)
First - AT&T: (bitching)
Rob and I have been working on lowering our overall cost. So, we started with Eating Out; which we do (did) way too much and our Home Phone, Internet, and Cable services. So...we called AT&T to check out their prices based on some feedback that we received from our friends. After speaking to a lovely sales person we realized we could save approximately $100 each month by switching all three services. So...I set it ALL UP with AT&T. ($1200/year savings - woo hoo)
Let me start by telling you I just finished my third glass of FABULOUS Sacred Stone Red Wine(Master's Red Blend) from Vino 100...its a blend of several grapes and will delight you! (this was back in April and today June7th, I'm having the same wine again; its that good!)
I needed to have three glasses to just calm myself after four-days of a flippin debacle with AT&T half ass, under qualified customer service buffoons. (ok, so I'm laughing out loud). Not all of them are half ass, under qualified customer service buffoons, but when I first wrote this, I thought they were.
Anyway...I just about, verbally, ripped a new butt hole from several customer service folks.
dear God...thank you for red wine and my friend of India! LOVE HIM. Ok, so I don't know his name but when I get the survey...I will sing high praises for him over and over....
Okay...now on to the next topic:
My friends! (heart lovely soul)
I am the luckiest girl on earth. Seriously - I know some amazing women who love me, who support me, who accept me as I am (God - how do you all do that?) and those who are there with me whether that be on a daily basis, or as needed or only through the universe and the ways of the/A higher being....Angelique, Shelly, Cathy, Kristine, Jeannine, Julie Falbo, Julie B., Rose, Paula, Carrie L., Carrie C., Erin, Elizabeth, Jen D., Nadia., Sherry, Leslie B., Lisa S., Kristie, Chris, Julie P., and so many more....You all inspire me to be a better person, inspire me to be more like your best qualities, and are just there to take me as I am. I love each of you for many different reasons and I am so blessed to know each of you! Thank you thank you thank you!
New Friends:
Through some very tragic situations, I have met some amazing people....the Kettners, Brian, Michelle, Traci, Lori, Sarah Couch, all the residents of Huntley that have been supporting the Long Family, the parishioners of St. Mary's and so many others....
I get so emotional when I think of Tom and Chris Jacobs love for the Long Family or Brian and Michelle who extended their love to the Long Family while their little Hero, Carter, continues to fight for his life. Joe and Cinnamon Kettner, who I can't say enough good things about today or EVER...these two humans, exceed my expectation of "humanity" of "loving" of "kindness" of "selflessness" of "genuineness". I must believe that God has his arms wrapped around you both and has you in a loving embrace. I can't think of another reason why you would be able to be who you are. When I doubt my beliefs, which I do no longer...It is because of you both. Thank you for the gifts that you give the rest of us. Thank you for being brave enough to be our teachers and mentors. Thank you both for being our friends, when it is you who needs the friendship. Cinnamon and Joe...I love you both and those you love. My heart, my soul, my prayers are with you every day.
An amazing group of women:
The last few weeks (okay, now longer as this post is old) I've seen six amazing women come together (along with a few hubbies) to do something for a family that they each love in their own way; indirectly or directly. These women, shared a talent or skill to help the greater good; a family who needed their love. We each gave in different ways but our love and intent was equal. The power of community is so much greater than what we can do alone. I am a better person because I know...Rose, Jeannine, Erin, Julie, Lisa, Beata, and Debbie; thank you for giving so much of yourselves, for teaching me, and for being you. I am lucky to know each of you!
Okay...I think that's it for now...oh wait...ROB!
There is not enough time or Internet space for me to write about Rob. Through the ups and down of marriage; the short of it is that he loves me, he gets me and he still likes me. WOW.
drink wine, dance, be happy,
Col
First - AT&T: (bitching)
Rob and I have been working on lowering our overall cost. So, we started with Eating Out; which we do (did) way too much and our Home Phone, Internet, and Cable services. So...we called AT&T to check out their prices based on some feedback that we received from our friends. After speaking to a lovely sales person we realized we could save approximately $100 each month by switching all three services. So...I set it ALL UP with AT&T. ($1200/year savings - woo hoo)
Let me start by telling you I just finished my third glass of FABULOUS Sacred Stone Red Wine(Master's Red Blend) from Vino 100...its a blend of several grapes and will delight you! (this was back in April and today June7th, I'm having the same wine again; its that good!)
I needed to have three glasses to just calm myself after four-days of a flippin debacle with AT&T half ass, under qualified customer service buffoons. (ok, so I'm laughing out loud). Not all of them are half ass, under qualified customer service buffoons, but when I first wrote this, I thought they were.
Anyway...I just about, verbally, ripped a new butt hole from several customer service folks.
I totally felt like I was going to lose part of my mind. Seriously...
They finally got us up and running today and I needed to contact Linksys (my router) to get up up and running with both the home computer and my work laptop. This guy from Linksys, is from INDIA and I love him. I totally invited him over for cocktails but he said that the ocean was going to be a bit of a barrier. We talked (worked) for over an hour but at the end of it all, he got my router, along with my home computer and my laptop intermingling as one happy unit.dear God...thank you for red wine and my friend of India! LOVE HIM. Ok, so I don't know his name but when I get the survey...I will sing high praises for him over and over....
Okay...now on to the next topic:
My friends! (heart lovely soul)
I am the luckiest girl on earth. Seriously - I know some amazing women who love me, who support me, who accept me as I am (God - how do you all do that?) and those who are there with me whether that be on a daily basis, or as needed or only through the universe and the ways of the/A higher being....Angelique, Shelly, Cathy, Kristine, Jeannine, Julie Falbo, Julie B., Rose, Paula, Carrie L., Carrie C., Erin, Elizabeth, Jen D., Nadia., Sherry, Leslie B., Lisa S., Kristie, Chris, Julie P., and so many more....You all inspire me to be a better person, inspire me to be more like your best qualities, and are just there to take me as I am. I love each of you for many different reasons and I am so blessed to know each of you! Thank you thank you thank you!
New Friends:
Through some very tragic situations, I have met some amazing people....the Kettners, Brian, Michelle, Traci, Lori, Sarah Couch, all the residents of Huntley that have been supporting the Long Family, the parishioners of St. Mary's and so many others....
I get so emotional when I think of Tom and Chris Jacobs love for the Long Family or Brian and Michelle who extended their love to the Long Family while their little Hero, Carter, continues to fight for his life. Joe and Cinnamon Kettner, who I can't say enough good things about today or EVER...these two humans, exceed my expectation of "humanity" of "loving" of "kindness" of "selflessness" of "genuineness". I must believe that God has his arms wrapped around you both and has you in a loving embrace. I can't think of another reason why you would be able to be who you are. When I doubt my beliefs, which I do no longer...It is because of you both. Thank you for the gifts that you give the rest of us. Thank you for being brave enough to be our teachers and mentors. Thank you both for being our friends, when it is you who needs the friendship. Cinnamon and Joe...I love you both and those you love. My heart, my soul, my prayers are with you every day.
An amazing group of women:
The last few weeks (okay, now longer as this post is old) I've seen six amazing women come together (along with a few hubbies) to do something for a family that they each love in their own way; indirectly or directly. These women, shared a talent or skill to help the greater good; a family who needed their love. We each gave in different ways but our love and intent was equal. The power of community is so much greater than what we can do alone. I am a better person because I know...Rose, Jeannine, Erin, Julie, Lisa, Beata, and Debbie; thank you for giving so much of yourselves, for teaching me, and for being you. I am lucky to know each of you!
Okay...I think that's it for now...oh wait...ROB!
There is not enough time or Internet space for me to write about Rob. Through the ups and down of marriage; the short of it is that he loves me, he gets me and he still likes me. WOW.
drink wine, dance, be happy,
Col
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Shift
standing on the waters edge
the sun's warmth
the cool breeze
joy, happiness
grateful
in a moment
the sky goes dark
the air changes
the rain falls
the wind changes direction
the joy, the happiness
gone
in that moment, fear
to be understood
to be heard
loved
anger
intolerance
begets fear
sad, scared
the sun's warmth
the cool breeze
joy, happiness
grateful
in a moment
the sky goes dark
the air changes
the rain falls
the wind changes direction
the joy, the happiness
gone
in that moment, fear
to be understood
to be heard
loved
anger
intolerance
begets fear
sad, scared
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Dear Alec
Hi Alec,
It's me mom. You are going through so much right now, some of it wonderful, some of it very challenging, and some of it down right hard. I wish that I had some magic pill or the perfect words to give to you so that you would weather this time without the sadness or the hurt that goes along with a lot of this.
It's so easy to say be true to yourself and do the right thing; that everyone who is 14 goes through these things but it's not that easy.
You have challenges that some kids don't have; you have ADHD and its pretty elevated at times. What I can identify with is that I think I have it too; or at least more so when I was your age. I see the things you do, say, and based on some of the things you share with me, I know we are very much alike. That makes me feel that I'm just where I need to be to help you but also makes me a little sad as I can remember being 14 and it really was one of the more challenging years of my teen life.
I wanted everyone to like me that I let myself get lost in trying so hard to be liked and accepted. I was impulsive in school and was the class clown. It was a way for me to be in the spotlight and kids thought I was funny. What ended up happening was that kids got tired of it and at some point as they were maturing and it wasn't so funny anymore, I was left a bit alone. It didn't last forever, but it was a challenging time. What did continue was that I always tried to be everyones friend; I didn't want anyone to be mad at me. In the end, I neglected the most important friend, me.
I know you think you are always in trouble and that you aren't always a good kid (which is true sometime as far as getting into trouble) but you are a good kid. In fact, I think you are a great kid and very special.
You are going to have to work hard, perhaps harder than others but that's just the way it is. Everyone has things that they must weather, challenges that others don't have but that is how life is. There is no rhyme or reason for it. It is the challenges and life experiences that shape us as we grow. It continues to happen, I would assume until we die. Its still happening to me and your Dad. We have experiences that change us; sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse; it's all in how you look at it. It's not easy; it's going to be hard work. Just remember that those things that you work hard for are usually worth it and end up being the things that you cherish the most.
I want you to focus on all of the good that you are. You are smart, funny but for me there is one part of you that is so special...its your light that touches others; its your ability to be kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. It's hard for others to see it; your friends are young and often you are in a bit of trouble, so this gets lost in all of that; however, I'm hear to remind you of it.
Let me tell you a few stories:
When we lived in Streamwood, in a single level town house, we lived above a woman who was a crabby old lady. We would play in the sprinkler in the summer and she'd yell out of the window for us to be quiet and then slam the window. I remember Susan, the lady we rented from, telling me that this lady had some family problems and was basically alone so I just kept that in mind and left her be. Once Christmas, (you were around 5/6), you wanted to invite her to our Christmas Eve get together. I tried to explain to you that she wasn't friendly, didn't like us, and most likely wouldn't come, but, you insisted. You told me that she needed us to be kind to her; that if we were, maybe she wouldn't be so mean. My heart must have expanded twice its size that moment. I felt your love for humanity and I was so proud of you.
We baked cookies, knocked on her door and tried to be a good neighbor, but...she yelled at us, "I don't need you!", and slammed the door in our faces. You were so sad. I was angry at her for doing that to you. I knew where your heart was and it made me angry and sad that she hurt your feelings. So, I told you that I would leave the cookies in her door and that maybe she was embarrassed; perhaps we should just give her some time. You kept asking me about it and I didn't have the heart to tell you that she stuck them back in our door; so I ate the cookies and told you she took them.
Another...
When I was starting the daycare, before I had my license, I got a call from a woman looking for care for her school age son. She described him as having ED (some emotional disorder) and explained his situation. I called a friend who I knew worked at the school to get some info on him and to see if it was something that I could manage and provide him with good care based on my skill level. After speaking with my friend, I thought, I'm just starting out this new business and not yet having any other clients/kids, that I should pass on taking him. You overheard me on the phone and came in the room to talk to me about it. You asked me his name. You told me you knew who he was...you said, Mom...he does get into a lot of trouble at school, but if he had a mom who loved him and cared for him like you do, that maybe he wouldn't get into trouble so much. You really thought I could make a difference in his life.
Once again, your light shinned so bright and my heart swelled.
What I love so much about you is your ability to sense what others are feeling and know when someone needs extra kindness. You do it here at home all of the time. I know you think that dad or your brothers see it as much as I do because of the brotherly bickering or the ups and downs of having ADHD but I do and I know that do too.
I'm here to help you along the way, but it is you who needs to walk your path, do the hard work, and make the right choices.
I believe in you Alec.
I love you,
Mom
It's me mom. You are going through so much right now, some of it wonderful, some of it very challenging, and some of it down right hard. I wish that I had some magic pill or the perfect words to give to you so that you would weather this time without the sadness or the hurt that goes along with a lot of this.
It's so easy to say be true to yourself and do the right thing; that everyone who is 14 goes through these things but it's not that easy.
You have challenges that some kids don't have; you have ADHD and its pretty elevated at times. What I can identify with is that I think I have it too; or at least more so when I was your age. I see the things you do, say, and based on some of the things you share with me, I know we are very much alike. That makes me feel that I'm just where I need to be to help you but also makes me a little sad as I can remember being 14 and it really was one of the more challenging years of my teen life.
I wanted everyone to like me that I let myself get lost in trying so hard to be liked and accepted. I was impulsive in school and was the class clown. It was a way for me to be in the spotlight and kids thought I was funny. What ended up happening was that kids got tired of it and at some point as they were maturing and it wasn't so funny anymore, I was left a bit alone. It didn't last forever, but it was a challenging time. What did continue was that I always tried to be everyones friend; I didn't want anyone to be mad at me. In the end, I neglected the most important friend, me.
I know you think you are always in trouble and that you aren't always a good kid (which is true sometime as far as getting into trouble) but you are a good kid. In fact, I think you are a great kid and very special.
You are going to have to work hard, perhaps harder than others but that's just the way it is. Everyone has things that they must weather, challenges that others don't have but that is how life is. There is no rhyme or reason for it. It is the challenges and life experiences that shape us as we grow. It continues to happen, I would assume until we die. Its still happening to me and your Dad. We have experiences that change us; sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse; it's all in how you look at it. It's not easy; it's going to be hard work. Just remember that those things that you work hard for are usually worth it and end up being the things that you cherish the most.
I want you to focus on all of the good that you are. You are smart, funny but for me there is one part of you that is so special...its your light that touches others; its your ability to be kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. It's hard for others to see it; your friends are young and often you are in a bit of trouble, so this gets lost in all of that; however, I'm hear to remind you of it.
Let me tell you a few stories:
When we lived in Streamwood, in a single level town house, we lived above a woman who was a crabby old lady. We would play in the sprinkler in the summer and she'd yell out of the window for us to be quiet and then slam the window. I remember Susan, the lady we rented from, telling me that this lady had some family problems and was basically alone so I just kept that in mind and left her be. Once Christmas, (you were around 5/6), you wanted to invite her to our Christmas Eve get together. I tried to explain to you that she wasn't friendly, didn't like us, and most likely wouldn't come, but, you insisted. You told me that she needed us to be kind to her; that if we were, maybe she wouldn't be so mean. My heart must have expanded twice its size that moment. I felt your love for humanity and I was so proud of you.
We baked cookies, knocked on her door and tried to be a good neighbor, but...she yelled at us, "I don't need you!", and slammed the door in our faces. You were so sad. I was angry at her for doing that to you. I knew where your heart was and it made me angry and sad that she hurt your feelings. So, I told you that I would leave the cookies in her door and that maybe she was embarrassed; perhaps we should just give her some time. You kept asking me about it and I didn't have the heart to tell you that she stuck them back in our door; so I ate the cookies and told you she took them.
Another...
When I was starting the daycare, before I had my license, I got a call from a woman looking for care for her school age son. She described him as having ED (some emotional disorder) and explained his situation. I called a friend who I knew worked at the school to get some info on him and to see if it was something that I could manage and provide him with good care based on my skill level. After speaking with my friend, I thought, I'm just starting out this new business and not yet having any other clients/kids, that I should pass on taking him. You overheard me on the phone and came in the room to talk to me about it. You asked me his name. You told me you knew who he was...you said, Mom...he does get into a lot of trouble at school, but if he had a mom who loved him and cared for him like you do, that maybe he wouldn't get into trouble so much. You really thought I could make a difference in his life.
Once again, your light shinned so bright and my heart swelled.
What I love so much about you is your ability to sense what others are feeling and know when someone needs extra kindness. You do it here at home all of the time. I know you think that dad or your brothers see it as much as I do because of the brotherly bickering or the ups and downs of having ADHD but I do and I know that do too.
- When Austin is in trouble, you will come to me and try to help him get out of it or advocate on his behalf.
- When dad is upset or angry, you'll come to me and try and make sure all gets worked out between us.
- When we are watching a show/TV and there is something that you know makes me teary eyed you tell dad to give me a hug.
I'm here to help you along the way, but it is you who needs to walk your path, do the hard work, and make the right choices.
I believe in you Alec.
I love you,
Mom
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Inauguration ~ A day of hope and joy!
As I get ready to go to bed, with a giddy anticipation for tomorrow, I am in awe of what our country is about to embark on and I am moved by the joy that I've heard others speak to as they are witnesses to this historical presidential journey. I can't say that I can relate to their hopes for a better tomorrow on a personal level as I haven't experienced their pain, but I can say that I am joyful for their joy, if that makes any sense. My wish for our country is that the spirit of tomorrow (all of its hopes and potential) live in each of our hearts and that we all act from that place so that together, along side this new president, we can help make a difference in the lives of others; a true difference, a difference of the spirit. We will never be here again, not in this same place of hope, not in the same way; let us be grateful for all that tomorrow represents.
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