Col's Harbor

Col's Weight Lose & Raise Money for Carter Kettner Fundraiser

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 15:20:00 +0000

As 2010 is just around the corner, I think about what my health goals are for the New Year along with reflection for 2009.

One of the greatest gifts that I received in 2009 was from the Kettner Family. I know that sounds crazy considering all that they have been through; however, through them and those that love and support them, I’ve grown as a person, witnessed beauty, HOPE, kindness, and so many other wonderful human spirit attributes. I’ve seen amazing things through them and have met some incredible folks.

So, I thought…how can I turn my fitness goals into a fun way to support the Kettners?

Well, here it is…I ask you to pledge a dollar amount for each pound that I lose.

· My goal:
· To lose 33lbs. You can do the math and make your pledge.

· Timing:
· Today through March 31st.

I’ll report to the group, every other week of my progress and a sponsor update.

On March 31st, I’ll email everyone a final report and ask that you log onto Carter’s Website Page and make the donation straight to The Carter Kettner Fund and emailing me your confirmation form. If you would rather mail a check to me, (made out to Carter) that will work too!

It is only 13 weeks so the likelihood of me losing the whole 30 is pretty unrealistic; I’m thinking (and HOPE-ing) I’ll lose 15 or so.

So, I ask you to help me stay motivated in my fitness/weight loss goals and together we can help raise some moola for the most fantastic 6 year old super hero, Carter Kettner.

For those of you who don’t know his story …visit www.carterkettner.org – once you read it, you’ll not soon forget it.

Two last things:
Please share this with all of your friends so that we can get many folks on board to help Carter!
If weight loss is a goal for you, join me in this fundraiser!

With love, (and too much caboose!)
Colleen

Fred Said It Best!

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:25:00 +0000

I just love this song from Fred Rogers.

What a great man he was.

It's you I like,

It's not the things you wear,

It's not the way you do your hair--

But it's you I like.

The way you are right now,

The way down deep inside you--

Not the things that hide you, Not your toys--

They're just beside you.

But it's you I like--

Every part of you,

Your skin, your eyes, your feelings

Whether old or new.

I hope that you'll remember

Even when you're feeling blue

That it's you I like,

It's you yourself,

It's you, it's you I like.

Just a quick hello

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:13:00 +0000

Dear Blog,
I haven't written here in a while but I just re-read the last few posts and thought to myself, hmm...I really do like what I've written and I miss writing here. I don't have much time right now, but I'll be back soon.
With thanks,
me

unclear clarity

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 02:07:00 +0000

how do you know
how do you decide
there is give
there is take
acceptance
unconditional

For that, I know

but…there is that one thing
that behavior
that tendency
that makes me wonder

am I doing the best for them
am I giving them all there is

how do I know for sure

Fred Rogers said it BEST..."It's you I like!"

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:16:00 +0000

I've always been a fan of this song by Fred Rogers.

Not only is it a great song to include in a card to a friend but also a great personal reminder to love yourself just as you are, in the present moment.

It's you I like.
It's not the things you wear.
It's not the way you do your hair,
But it's you I like.

The way you are right now,
the way down deep inside you,
Not the things that hide you
Not your toys--they're just beside you.
But it's you I like.

Every part of you--
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like

~ 1971 Fred Rogers (what a great man!)

Crazy thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:56:00 +0000

Okay so this is truly going to be a rambling of thoughts....If I were you, I'd grab a cocktail, glass of wine or a beer before proceeding. Its for your own good! Some is bitching and some if from the heart loving depths of my soul. (I actually started this back at the end of April and am just now getting back to it - some items are a little dated)

First - AT&T: (bitching)

Rob and I have been working on lowering our overall cost. So, we started with Eating Out; which we do (did) way too much and our Home Phone, Internet, and Cable services. So...we called AT&T to check out their prices based on some feedback that we received from our friends. After speaking to a lovely sales person we realized we could save approximately $100 each month by switching all three services. So...I set it ALL UP with AT&T. ($1200/year savings - woo hoo)

Let me start by telling you I just finished my third glass of FABULOUS Sacred Stone Red Wine(Master's Red Blend) from Vino 100...its a blend of several grapes and will delight you! (this was back in April and today June7th, I'm having the same wine again; its that good!)

I needed to have three glasses to just calm myself after four-days of a flippin debacle with AT&T half ass, under qualified customer service buffoons. (ok, so I'm laughing out loud). Not all of them are half ass, under qualified customer service buffoons, but when I first wrote this, I thought they were.

Anyway...I just about, verbally, ripped a new butt hole from several customer service folks.

I totally felt like I was going to lose part of my mind. Seriously...

They finally got us up and running today and I needed to contact Linksys (my router) to get up up and running with both the home computer and my work laptop. This guy from Linksys, is from INDIA and I love him. I totally invited him over for cocktails but he said that the ocean was going to be a bit of a barrier. We talked (worked) for over an hour but at the end of it all, he got my router, along with my home computer and my laptop intermingling as one happy unit.

dear God...thank you for red wine and my friend of India! LOVE HIM. Ok, so I don't know his name but when I get the survey...I will sing high praises for him over and over....

Okay...now on to the next topic:

My friends! (heart lovely soul)

I am the luckiest girl on earth. Seriously - I know some amazing women who love me, who support me, who accept me as I am (God - how do you all do that?) and those who are there with me whether that be on a daily basis, or as needed or only through the universe and the ways of the/A higher being....Angelique, Shelly, Cathy, Kristine, Jeannine, Julie Falbo, Julie B., Rose, Paula, Carrie L., Carrie C., Erin, Elizabeth, Jen D., Nadia., Sherry, Leslie B., Lisa S., Kristie, Chris, Julie P., and so many more....You all inspire me to be a better person, inspire me to be more like your best qualities, and are just there to take me as I am. I love each of you for many different reasons and I am so blessed to know each of you! Thank you thank you thank you!

New Friends:

Through some very tragic situations, I have met some amazing people....the Kettners, Brian, Michelle, Traci, Lori, Sarah Couch, all the residents of Huntley that have been supporting the Long Family, the parishioners of St. Mary's and so many others....

I get so emotional when I think of Tom and Chris Jacobs love for the Long Family or Brian and Michelle who extended their love to the Long Family while their little Hero, Carter, continues to fight for his life. Joe and Cinnamon Kettner, who I can't say enough good things about today or EVER...these two humans, exceed my expectation of "humanity" of "loving" of "kindness" of "selflessness" of "genuineness". I must believe that God has his arms wrapped around you both and has you in a loving embrace. I can't think of another reason why you would be able to be who you are. When I doubt my beliefs, which I do no longer...It is because of you both. Thank you for the gifts that you give the rest of us. Thank you for being brave enough to be our teachers and mentors. Thank you both for being our friends, when it is you who needs the friendship. Cinnamon and Joe...I love you both and those you love. My heart, my soul, my prayers are with you every day.

An amazing group of women:

The last few weeks (okay, now longer as this post is old) I've seen six amazing women come together (along with a few hubbies) to do something for a family that they each love in their own way; indirectly or directly. These women, shared a talent or skill to help the greater good; a family who needed their love. We each gave in different ways but our love and intent was equal. The power of community is so much greater than what we can do alone. I am a better person because I know...Rose, Jeannine, Erin, Julie, Lisa, Beata, and Debbie; thank you for giving so much of yourselves, for teaching me, and for being you. I am lucky to know each of you!

Okay...I think that's it for now...oh wait...ROB!

There is not enough time or Internet space for me to write about Rob. Through the ups and down of marriage; the short of it is that he loves me, he gets me and he still likes me. WOW.

drink wine, dance, be happy,

Col

Shift

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 03:07:00 +0000

standing on the waters edge
the sun's warmth
the cool breeze
joy, happiness

grateful

in a moment
the sky goes dark
the air changes
the rain falls

the wind changes direction
the joy, the happiness
gone

in that moment, fear

to be understood
to be heard
loved

anger
intolerance
begets fear

sad, scared

Dear Alec

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 13:26:00 +0000

Hi Alec,

It's me mom. You are going through so much right now, some of it wonderful, some of it very challenging, and some of it down right hard. I wish that I had some magic pill or the perfect words to give to you so that you would weather this time without the sadness or the hurt that goes along with a lot of this.

It's so easy to say be true to yourself and do the right thing; that everyone who is 14 goes through these things but it's not that easy.

You have challenges that some kids don't have; you have ADHD and its pretty elevated at times. What I can identify with is that I think I have it too; or at least more so when I was your age. I see the things you do, say, and based on some of the things you share with me, I know we are very much alike. That makes me feel that I'm just where I need to be to help you but also makes me a little sad as I can remember being 14 and it really was one of the more challenging years of my teen life.

I wanted everyone to like me that I let myself get lost in trying so hard to be liked and accepted. I was impulsive in school and was the class clown. It was a way for me to be in the spotlight and kids thought I was funny. What ended up happening was that kids got tired of it and at some point as they were maturing and it wasn't so funny anymore, I was left a bit alone. It didn't last forever, but it was a challenging time. What did continue was that I always tried to be everyones friend; I didn't want anyone to be mad at me. In the end, I neglected the most important friend, me.

I know you think you are always in trouble and that you aren't always a good kid (which is true sometime as far as getting into trouble) but you are a good kid. In fact, I think you are a great kid and very special.

You are going to have to work hard, perhaps harder than others but that's just the way it is. Everyone has things that they must weather, challenges that others don't have but that is how life is. There is no rhyme or reason for it. It is the challenges and life experiences that shape us as we grow. It continues to happen, I would assume until we die. Its still happening to me and your Dad. We have experiences that change us; sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse; it's all in how you look at it. It's not easy; it's going to be hard work. Just remember that those things that you work hard for are usually worth it and end up being the things that you cherish the most.

I want you to focus on all of the good that you are. You are smart, funny but for me there is one part of you that is so special...its your light that touches others; its your ability to be kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. It's hard for others to see it; your friends are young and often you are in a bit of trouble, so this gets lost in all of that; however, I'm hear to remind you of it.

Let me tell you a few stories:

When we lived in Streamwood, in a single level town house, we lived above a woman who was a crabby old lady. We would play in the sprinkler in the summer and she'd yell out of the window for us to be quiet and then slam the window. I remember Susan, the lady we rented from, telling me that this lady had some family problems and was basically alone so I just kept that in mind and left her be. Once Christmas, (you were around 5/6), you wanted to invite her to our Christmas Eve get together. I tried to explain to you that she wasn't friendly, didn't like us, and most likely wouldn't come, but, you insisted. You told me that she needed us to be kind to her; that if we were, maybe she wouldn't be so mean. My heart must have expanded twice its size that moment. I felt your love for humanity and I was so proud of you.

We baked cookies, knocked on her door and tried to be a good neighbor, but...she yelled at us, "I don't need you!", and slammed the door in our faces. You were so sad. I was angry at her for doing that to you. I knew where your heart was and it made me angry and sad that she hurt your feelings. So, I told you that I would leave the cookies in her door and that maybe she was embarrassed; perhaps we should just give her some time. You kept asking me about it and I didn't have the heart to tell you that she stuck them back in our door; so I ate the cookies and told you she took them.

Another...

When I was starting the daycare, before I had my license, I got a call from a woman looking for care for her school age son. She described him as having ED (some emotional disorder) and explained his situation. I called a friend who I knew worked at the school to get some info on him and to see if it was something that I could manage and provide him with good care based on my skill level. After speaking with my friend, I thought, I'm just starting out this new business and not yet having any other clients/kids, that I should pass on taking him. You overheard me on the phone and came in the room to talk to me about it. You asked me his name. You told me you knew who he was...you said, Mom...he does get into a lot of trouble at school, but if he had a mom who loved him and cared for him like you do, that maybe he wouldn't get into trouble so much. You really thought I could make a difference in his life.

Once again, your light shinned so bright and my heart swelled.

What I love so much about you is your ability to sense what others are feeling and know when someone needs extra kindness. You do it here at home all of the time. I know you think that dad or your brothers see it as much as I do because of the brotherly bickering or the ups and downs of having ADHD but I do and I know that do too.

When Austin is in trouble, you will come to me and try to help him get out of it or advocate on his behalf.

When dad is upset or angry, you'll come to me and try and make sure all gets worked out between us.

When we are watching a show/TV and there is something that you know makes me teary eyed you tell dad to give me a hug.

You are a kind person Alec. A young man with a shinning light, a strong good spirit, a very fun personality, and you are extremely smart. Stay focused on those attributes, and try to remain true to yourself, which is so hard at your young age, when having friends, being liked, and fitting in is so important to you. It is to all of us; its knowing when making sacrifices to yourself is really worth it. I wish there were a book I could give you, one you could just follow along with that would keep you smiling and on the right path, but there isn't.

I'm here to help you along the way, but it is you who needs to walk your path, do the hard work, and make the right choices.

I believe in you Alec.
I love you,

Mom

The Inauguration ~ A day of hope and joy!

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:11:00 +0000

As I get ready to go to bed, with a giddy anticipation for tomorrow, I am in awe of what our country is about to embark on and I am moved by the joy that I've heard others speak to as they are witnesses to this historical presidential journey. I can't say that I can relate to their hopes for a better tomorrow on a personal level as I haven't experienced their pain, but I can say that I am joyful for their joy, if that makes any sense. My wish for our country is that the spirit of tomorrow (all of its hopes and potential) live in each of our hearts and that we all act from that place so that together, along side this new president, we can help make a difference in the lives of others; a true difference, a difference of the spirit. We will never be here again, not in this same place of hope, not in the same way; let us be grateful for all that tomorrow represents.

The Shack ~ my top book for 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 15:52:00 +0000

THE SHACK!!!
by William P. Young

I don't think I can put into words just how much I LOVED this book. I've read it twice; once on my own and then again for my book club, as my selection, about five months after I read it the first time.

As I continue to be open to all the gifts of different religions and faiths, search through my own heart, and keep a watchful eye out for the presence of the Divine (which I see each and every day through my children), I read this with goosebumps on my arms (I have them now, as I type), tears in my eyes, and a warmness in my heart. I did think and felt, hmmmm...why have I been so doubtful? Perhaps its the universes inability to give me concrete answers without a shadow of a doubt. Still I have questions about religion and God and all that Divine, but I what I do know is that what ever it is, it surrounds us, it is in us, it is us. It's what connects us to each other.

OK, so back to the book. What a beautiful story about forgiveness. Whatever you believe on a religious level, this book will touch your heart and stir your soul. It has so many wonderful nuggets.

So, grab a warm blanket, a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, sink into your favorite reading spot, and enjoy the journey of The Shack!

Here's the back cover:
Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later n the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend.

Against his better judgment he arrives at the shack on a wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack's world forever.

In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant The Shack wrestles with the timeless question, "where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?" The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him. You'll want everyone you know to read this book!

Roller Coaster Ride

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 02:54:00 +0000

WOW...talk about an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm sad, the next feeling better with gratitude, and today....sad, emotional and slightly upset.

I will say, "I had the nicest talk with my boss today. Thanks Lyndsey! She lifted my spirits without trying, she acted from a place of authenticity, vulnerability, and I am grateful."

Rob and I are having a tiff, (that's what I'm calling it for now), my new big boss has kicked up a few "not so good feelings", and Alec got into some trouble again at school. Plus...we still don't' have any clue as to where we stand on the house. UGGGGG! :)

With all that, I still feel blessed for all that I have and all those I have in my life but, I feel like I could just cry.

Could also be that I've been fighting a flippin cold for two weeks, didn't' get mush sleep last night, but who the heck knows.

In the big scheme of things, I know I'm lucky and loved. What more could a girl ask for on this crazy ride of life?

Back with the "not so heavy spirit" today

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:31:00 +0000

Well, I said I'd come back and post some more on my mom's visit but I just don't feel like I need to right now. (or want to right now). The glass is half full with all of the wonderfulness of my family; Rob, Anthony, Alec, Austin, the dogs, and my good friends, that I just feel so blessed and rich in those relationships that I simply need to celebrate them, nourish them, and most of all, breathe.

Tonight, Austin asked me again if we could go to Washington DC in the spring; he really wants to go there and visit the White House and all the other "hot spots". So, we jumped on Southwest.com and looked at flights and check the spring break calendar for school. We had such a nice 20 minutes of talking about it, although it kept him up past his bedtime, it was worth it. It's moments like that, that you MUST hold on with both hands and just let happen. He is twelve now, doesn't like to kiss me in public (or even stand too close to me), so I just soaked it all up. We were laying in my bed, with the laptop, making crazy travel plans. It was so fabulous. (still smiling - thank you Austin)

That's what I'm thinking about now; creating those moments for me and the kids, one moment at a time.

I'm choosing to leave my mom out of it for now. I'm come back to that another day.

BUT for now, I'm feeling pretty good and I appreciate my kids, Rob, and my friends for giving me so much to be thankful for.

~ Col

Heavy Sad Spirit

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:26:00 +0000

Currently, I am sitting at the computer enjoying the hum of the dishwasher, Max sitting at my side, and a nice glass of Chianti. That sounds delightful (and it is); however, I just returned from dropping my mom off at the train station along with my two nephews after a nine day visit and I am emotionally drained. Not only am I reminded of all that I don't have in my relationship with my mom, but I now have guilt at feeling disappointed and guilt at my behavior. I am sitting high on my fence; smack dab in the middle of my emotional turmoil of what the little girl in me still needs and is unwilling to budge on and the desire to take my mom just as she is.

I think as myself as a person who looks for the good in people and in any given situation; you know, the glass half full (not half empty) kinda girl. Am I am that kinda girl, but with my mom, I struggle terribly. Guilt is such an awful thing.

I'll write more tomorrow when I'm not fighting a sinus infection as what I still need to write will inevitably make me sob; therefore making my head hurt alot more than it does right now.

Until then,
Col

Mackinaw Island Anniversary Celebration

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:39:00 +0000

What a lovely way to celebrate fifteen years of marriage;
An adventure to Mackinaw Island...

As I am thinking about what to write, I have a HUGE smile on my face as I ponder where to start. We had such a wonderful time that was filled with love, laughter, old friends, new friends, and some new adventures which included pub crawls, sneaking into the Grand Hotel, rolling of pumpkins down hotel corridors, dancing w/ anyone who would have us, Rob and I participated in our very first run/walk (which I finished 3rd in my age group and Rob 2nd in his), watching our friends beat their best times in the half marathon, and pumpkin decorating (Oh Mica), just to name a few.

Also, Rob and I watched our first sun rise, took a charter plane over to the island because we missed the ferry and I slobbered on him when he told me during our 5.7 walk/jog, that he has never seen me look more beautiful. (trust me, it wasn't pretty but we laughed and laughed)

I can't imagine a better weekend (other than less pain in my legs, back, and arms from the grueling amount of exercise we did); but other than that, not a single thing.

Dave, Carrie, Mica, and Dave, we are so grateful that you asked us to join you on your trip. You made our 15th wedding anniversary a true celebration of our marriage; a little teary eyed as I started my first run to serious belly laughing as we danced, drank, snuck into fancy hotel parties and just enjoyed each others company. I still have a smile on my face as I type.

To Rob, my dearest friend and true love, thank you for everything; your friendship, your love, your patience, your kindness, your encouragement, your thoughtfulness, and most of all, YOU!

I so am blessed.

Here are some photos from our weekend:

(the girls; Mica, Carrie, and Col)

(Our first sun rise on our 15th Wedding Anniversary)

(peace; Dave, Mica, and Dave)

(view from our bike ride around the Island; 8miles)

(back of the hotel lawn)

(Dave and the Pumpkin after the pub crawl)

(Dave and Carrie after Dave ran the half marathon)

(me and Rob; laughing)

(Mica and Dave after their run;

Mica's first 5.7 run and Dave ran the half marathon)

(view from Arch Rock)

(group photo on 10-24-08)

(Dave and Carrie doing some kind of shot, I think)

(the group of runners/walkers/joggers)

(Sea Biscuits - Pub Crawl)

(Mackinaw Bridge; on the road back home)

What will you be when you grow up?

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 02:20:00 +0000

http://amothintoabutterfly.blogspot.com/ (PLO)

My lovely friend Paula had this on her blog (see above) and I had to take the test myself. You pick an image that you feel most drawn to and viola; you'll know what you should be when you grow up! Me, an artist (aka...dancer)

Here is what is says about it...

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique.

No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing.

You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure.

You're easily bored.

As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful.

You do best when you:
- Can work by yourself
- Can express your personality in your work

You would also be a good journalist or actor.

Here is the link, just in case you want to take it yourself. ;)

http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoubewhenyougrowupquiz/outcome.php

"Lost"

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 17:53:00 +0000

"Lost" by David Wagoner

This is a poem that Oprah read during the Chapter 5 webcast of A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle.

Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here, And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers, I have made this place around you. I
f you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven. No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you, You are surely lost.
Stand still. The forest knows Where you are. You must let it find you.

Interesting don't you think?
Hmmmm. (I'm still thinking)
~ Col

Okay...I'll post something

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 02:01:00 +0000

So my lovely friends think I have some bloggers blog but that's not really true; it's just that I've been overwhelmed w/ stuff to blog about and you know, kids, work, reading (love that) and other stuff have consumed my time and the time I have left isn't enough for me to give my thoughts a proper place to live.

So I will not be bullied into blogging (just kidding girls) and you will just have to give me some time.

Some topics to come are:

The SHACK - love love love that book - read it!!!!!
Kids starting school again and summer has gone by with sadness in my heart :( Total mixed feelings!
I've lost 11lbs which is great but I think the new eating habits are making me a bitch to my kids! NOT GOOD.
I have a new department boss
I got some feedback from my direct boss that has me thinking
I am a good friend, a good co-worker, a good worker, a good wife, a really good me, but wish I were a better mom.

All in all - life is lovely ~ Col

Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 13:18:00 +0000

Quote on beauty by...Marie Stopes

"You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen, But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing. "

I read that and thought...wow, isn't that the truth?!

I know for me, I have always been pretty hard on myself; comparing myself to others, sometime feeling like I don't measure up; falling short in some areas, beauty or brains. More recently however, (last few years) I've grown into myself more so and have a kindness for myself, realizing that I am perfect just the way I am. I wish I would have had that years ago; I could have saved myself so much unnecessary "self mental beatings" and lets not forget poor Rob. He has been the one to try and lift my spirit when those times were going on; so not a fair job for anyone. (thank you Rob ~ for being patient and kind; you are my truest friend)

I read that quote this morning and it just had a sweet sound that sang to my soul. I like it. Hopefully I'll live my life in a way that will continue to add to my beauty, enriching my soul.

Clearing my head rambling...

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:50:00 +0000

Being the one to always say I'm sorry first (okay maybe not always but mostly)

Being the one to always think about how the other person feels (always; maybe not at first but none-the-less, always)

Being the one to hold my tongue so that things don't escalate (much better now)

Being the one to try and evolve, be better, learn from past mistakes (so not easy)

Is it wrong to stand my ground because it is important to me? or...should I just be the one?

Part of me thinks - yes, it is wrong of course, let it go and the other part of me thinks,
don't be so co-dependant and simply stand.

In the big scheme of things, does it really matter?

Perhaps yes; perhaps no - I don't know the answer and that is the difficult part.

My Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 25 May 2008 17:55:00 +0000

Well, it's no secret; I'm not a gardener - I don't know much about plants or flowers but I really enjoy their beauty. So, I went to the nursery yesterday and here is what tickled my flower fancy and made its way into my yard.

Wife-hood

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 25 May 2008 13:08:00 +0000

What the hell is Wife-hood?

I'm not sure but when I just sat down and starting typing, remembering thoughts that woke me out of a sleep at 3am last night, is just what hit the keys.

Being a wife, having a partnership, being married, having a true best friend is something that I absolutely cherish. So why is it that Rob is the one that I can be the meanest too or the shortest with, or the craziest with, the ugliest with, temperamental, irrational with, and so many "not" so pretty the "real" me (s)?

I'm not sure but what I do know is that he still loves me! He also likes the, the laugh out loud-nose snorting me, the really bad jokes, but still so flipping funny me, and cry for no reason (oh THERE is a reason) me, the my family is crazy and has made me this way me, and the ever so changing trying to improve myself me.

Wholly cow; I'm loved from the truest place of unconditional love. (right now - I am smiling with tears) :)

Over the years, almost 15, I've wasted a lot of time being insecure and doubtful of Rob. So sad. But, as time continues to do its thing, I am doing mine; learning, loving, and growing. Rob too.

The most fabulous part is that I get to spend each day with "that guy"; my guy. (smiling)

~ Me.

Kinda Sad

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Fri, 23 May 2008 04:10:00 +0000

In this moment I feel sad. I think I know why, but I'd rather not say (but of course I'll blog) as I don't want to think that "that" is still bothering me; but, I kinda feel like it is and really wish it wasn't. I wont beat myself up over it; no - I'll just allow the feeling to linger here for a bit, acknowledge it, and then watch it float by as I know it will. The weird joy of it is that I don't need to talk about it, pick it apart, or share it verbally; I just need to allow it. Kinda like when you are meditating and thoughts float into your mind and you are trying to clear your mind; allowing them to float in and out without resistance or attention. Like that. Part of me wishes I wasn't sad but I am and that is just okay.

Mushy, Joy, Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Fri, 16 May 2008 04:04:00 +0000

I have no idea what it is that I want to say right now but I'm feeling a bit mushy!

Perhaps its PMS, perhaps it is the fact that my son had his very last baby tooth pulled today and has a long hair growing under his armpit, perhaps it is the overwhelming feeling of joy that I have with my family; although it is always crazy with a son who has ADHD and presents us with daily challenges (and amazing joy), a house on the market that I wish wasn't, more financial crap than I want to acknowledge, a totally dysfunctional family (in Pittsburgh) BUT it all brings me such joy.

Austin's lovely smile, laugh, and total stubbornness; he is doing so great in school and just finished track. I just love being with him. I am also so proud of him.

Anthony, my step son, who is such a gentle kind kid who is growing into this handsome young man. He called me on Mother's Day to wish me a nice day. :) He is so fun to be around, he's smart and kind and has this contagious laugh that when I hear it across the house, I smile (and giggle).

My Alec who has an amazing soul and smile; he cares so much about how others feel, even though it might not always seem like it by his behavior, but he truly does and it melts my heart.

The three dogs; Max (my grouch, who really wants to be loved, of course in his time), Zoey (the personal space invader), and our newest addition, Bella (who is such a tool; so fun to watch)...

and lastly my dear Rob. It's almost 15 years of marriage and I've been learning so many new wonderful pieces about him that just makes my heart warm. Life gets busy and you can easily get in a rut; but, you must take time to slow it down, breath, and just let life happen and enjoy the wonders that are hidden just under the surface of all the chaos.

Ask questions, listen, and enjoy what you hear.

I am blessed; I am thankful.

~ me.

Pittsburgh for Mother's Day Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 11 May 2008 18:52:00 +0000

Me and my mom, Ann Marie

Being a mom is such a wonderful thing for me and I am sure for most of the other mothers out there; but until this year I haven't spent it with my mom in a very long time. We've had a rocky relationship our whole lives. It wasn't until recently that I decided it was time that I live in the present, not the past or even the future but seriously in the NOW. I also have been trying NOT to have any expectations of anyone; simply just enjoying them for who they are today. I'm not always good at it or successful but I am working on it, today. So with that new perspective, I felt pretty strong about going home and seeing my mom. I wanted to spend some time with my sister too as she recently has been going through a tough separation with her husband and I wanted to make sure she had some "mother's day sunshine" this weekend.

I had the nicest time visiting with my niece, two nephews, my sister, briefly with my two bothers, and my Mom on Friday and Saturday; I flew home Sunday so that I could spend the day with my boys and Rob.

Here are some fun photos of our time together; my favorites are the ones of me and Jen laughing! :)

Me and Eric, being animals for the photographer!

My sister Jen w/ her kids, Olivia and Michael

The kids giving me their CRAZY faces!

Mom, me and Jen

Me and Micheal at Pizza Hut! I think the waitress
had a crush on him! Eric said she was a stalker!

Something is funny????

and gets a little funnier...

until....pee-ing in our pants funny!

We laughed,

we cried,

and we even argued;

but, what would a visit home be without all of that?

What a great way to kick off Mother's Day.

I flew back this morning and have been loafing

with the boys. Alec and I just caught up on some ER.

I've read, took a nap and just got up.

Next its pizza from Lou's w/ the family and some nice wine; perfect.

Life just doesn't get any better than that.

I have so much to be grateful for; thank you!

Gratitude in folding towels?

noreply@blogger.com (Col) — Sun, 04 May 2008 13:57:00 +0000

Today there is so much to be thankful for: (its only 9am)
simple pleasures that are here each and everyday

rob is loving, tender and touches just right....aahhh
sun shines
kids laugh
new music
old friends
java just right
laundry going (what?)
~
who knew you could find gratitude in laundry;
folding the towels, neatly in a pile
for the boys to dry off their growing bodies and prepare them for their day
a comfort provided by me in ways they'll really never "get"
it puts a warm smile in my heart
~
finding pleasure in the daily chores that must get done
enjoying the process; being present
not easy; yet, very rewarding

this is what I hope for...patience, presence and time to ponder

when this happens ~ life is so good